im just gonna do what im good at

so i hear that middle school is for finding your self
that.is.bullshit
so how are you supposed to do that when you were something black with dark pants and accidently wear to much eyeliner then ppl think you are goth so how are you supposed be yourself when people will judge you for trying to be yourself it is almost impossible to be you. i think it is stupid that there is kinda monarchy that you can be yourself but no one likes you or you cant be yourself and be liked it starts to hurt after awhile to put on that fake smile  that no one can know who you really are. that is what sucked about be popular i cant trust anyone to truly like me with out them stabbing me in the back it hurts me everyday to hangout with the peolpe who i know behind my back say i hate her

i miss real friends people who i can trust and call and i can talk to with out them telling someone else right after
i miss my old school and my old friend i miss 2009

musicals and their meanings

so when i was old enough to know what words meant and to watch things fluently my parents introduced me to musical i have a sister that is 7 years older than me so she would watch 'age inappropriate' musicals like um RENT or Chicago and these have things that are hard to process from extreme narcissism in Chicago to AIDS and homosexuality and all things that depress people.
i suspect that is why im kinda sad all the time. when i watched chicago i thought i was very extremely smart and interpreted the songs were visions of roxie and in a way that is true but i took it to seriously and though that she was seeing the actual songs which would indicate a insanity but it was just what she thought not what she saw
the first time i watched rent i was 7 or what ever and i did not understand transvestism and thought that angel was a woman but now i see its really about how life in general sucks but you need to get over it to see the better things and to have faith you need not to rely on facts
so sorry i mustache

vent blog1.

so i have this friend lets call her lillith , now i have been friends with lilith for a while like 7 years and after that amount of time you notice someones faults but you get over them because of the reason why you like them
so now i don't have very many reasons to like her she boss and a user and a plethora of other negative things
but you just opened your eyes to see these horrible things now i have had my eyes open for a while and i found something new thats been bothering me for ever
she gets what ever she wants if she works for it or not im not just talking about clothes or cellphones or that stuff but like for instance parts in a play she doesn't deserve tiger pride cards and on and on and on but i mean should i just go up and tell you much of a b*** she is or keep my mouth closed god what to do what to do

so may i ask when the word like mean love i mean there is this guy from camp and i know i like and i think i might likelike him but for now we have a platonic relationship and its kinda sickening but thats off the point 
when did like become love i because i want to say i like you to a guy at school but i dont want him to think i want to date its very very troubling
so if your there and i hope you are help
please
sorry mustache

sorry

hey have you (if you are there) heard of the pen15 club its kinda lame but here is how you join and i dont want to be alone in this situation all you have to do to be in it is write pen 15 on your hand


did you do it

im sorry dont kill me

purrr
bark
bubble
im a house hold pet
yaaaaaaaaaay
uselessness of me is boundless
so i mustache

so  yah ive been watching 90s movies and alot of them have kinda sad parts including photos of their childhood
and home videos. now when i go back to look at my old photos to have some kind of a revelation that will make my life have a purpose that i can see but there is a huge gap in my life and memory between the age of infant to 7 i mean i can remember little bits and pieces.but in the whole i cannot remember most of it. i traveled around alot like my sister was a tumbler so she went to meets in different schools and the cars rides took forever and when i wasn't at school or in the car i was in my dads store i really feel like im missing a part of my life that i will never get back.but i will go on and i should probably stop looking back and study for the math test  on Friday.
so sorry i mustache

hi i am Siena
this isn't going to be scheduled and it might not be pretty but it is what it is? will be? i don't know
so i plan to talk about things on my mind and thoughts from my day
im in middle school i pretty much have no life so im going to have some pretty unplanned blogs
so hang on it might get bumpy

so i mustache
so
bye